The Personal Reflections of Kristen Alyce

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    Friends with Benefits: An Outdated Concept?

    So the other night I watched a movie called “No Strings Attached" with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman. It wasn’t bad but it’s not exactly going on my list of highly recommended films either.

    While I was watching it, I immediately recalled the new movie coming out with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, entitled “Friends With Benefits" which, as the title suggests, follows the same basic premise as "No Strings Attached"…two people enjoy each other’s company for sexual purposes only, no emotional attachment, no relationship labels.

    As a 31-year old single woman, I’m not particularly interested in this approach to relationships. I don’t know if it’s simply because I have matured in my understanding of what constitutes a healthy union between a man or woman or if fundamentally, regardless of age and maturity level, this particular approach is flawed.

    I mean, what is the true “benefit” of this type of friendship? What is there to gain from being simply “fuck buddies”? It’s difficult to even imagine people still doing this, especially adults! However, as noted from the idea that more than one movie has been done about it, even over the past two years, it’s something that is definitely still going on.

    Spoiler alerts coming but not surprisingly, the ending of “No Strings Attached" and even last year’s blockbuster "Love and Other Drugs”, in which Anne Hathaway’s character also preferred, initially, a purely sex-based relationship over something more fulfilling, proved that no matter how much you try to fight it, those emotions are going to come, especially if you have an “exclusive” fuck buddy. I think the only types of people who are fully capable of having sex without developing any emotional attachments are prostitutes.

    I don’t know; I guess I’m just at a point in my life where I cannot be bothered with a guy who simply wants sex from me and I certainly want more from a guy than what he’s packing in his pants. I just don’t see the logic in pursuing these types of relationships.

    I understand that you may have been hurt in the past so now you’d rather not get involved in anything too serious. That’s cool but keep in mind that considering the current rise in sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies, sex is something pretty serious in itself.

    But I also can’t help but to question the self-esteem of a person who is only interested in the physical aspect of a relationship; what, do you not think yourself worthy of something more fulfilling?

    I think this question is more so directed to my women because from what I’ve learned and have come to understand about men (some, maybe most, but not all, to be fair) is that this type of relationship (if it can even be called a relationship) is exactly what they are looking for. No esteem issues there…they fuck without attachments because that’s just what they do.

    But even the most tough, hard-hearted men have found themselves in those awkward situations where they become upset when she doesn’t call him the next day. Or he gets jealous when she’s off to see fuck-buddy number two…although, they’d never admit it! So the contradictions in this type of arrangement go both ways.

    I mean, don’t get me wrong…I enjoy sex just as much as the next person. But being that I’m practically a born again virgin as I have been single (i.e. sex-less) for the past five months, I don’t want my next time to be just some one night stand that may or may not develop into a series of one-night stands. I don’t want for any guy to call me at booty-o’clock and I stop whatever I’m doing to go and get his rocks off…okay, and mine, too.

    No, I’m too old for that…and maybe this is the bigger issue…that I’ve become to old for this meaningless bullshit. Because in short, that’s all this whole “friends with benefits” business is…meaningless bullshit that quite often leads to disappointment.

    And this is whether the booty calls end (because no relationship ends peacefully…regardless of the circumstances around it) or the whatever you want to call it develops into something “more”, which can be risky because honestly, how far can a relationship founded on faulty morals really go?

    But hey, if that’s how you get down, more power to you. I’m not judging you…I can only speak for myself and what I like/dislike for myself. All I will say is be careful…question the true intentions of a person you get involved with who only wants the poonnanny/dingaling (yes, I went there) from you. 

    More often than not it’s because he/she has something more substantial at home. Either that or he/she is quite possibly simply a slut puppy with no heart. But these are the worst case scenarios…still worth considering though.

    On the flip side, you may also need to evaluate yourself for agreeing to/desiring this type of arrangement; analyze the apparent loss in your life that has lead you to find this fuck buddy shit acceptable.

    And last but not least, grow up. If you are chilling with the same person, sleeping with him/her day in and day out…suck it up…you’re in a relationship…build on it. This is what is beneficial. Like my Mama used to say, “God ain’t gon’ bless you”, if you’re just out there fucking for fun.

    That is all. Peace and love, K…<3


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