The Personal Reflections of Kristen Alyce

While writing on my private online diary, I went off on this very interesting tangent and find it objective enough (in a sense) to share here:

“…2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

This numerology has been showing up a lot lately. It all started with a dream I had on Friday. It was a Sunday morning, I was in my bedroom with a friend. The sun was shining; the room looked a pale blue.

Then all of a sudden it got very dark. The time on my phone started speeding up, digits rolling by the millisecond. When I turned to look out the window again, I saw two large fire balls from the sky; they actually looked like large comets. And they shot down one after another, miles away from where I was residing, and exploded into sparks once they met the ground.

I immediately fell to my knees and begin praying: “Please, Jesus…protect us, deliver us…” and mid-prayer, my friend said to me something along the lines of, “You might need to stop praying and get off the floor because one is headed our way.”

All I remember next was running out of the room, into what appeared to be a safe area for those who’ve escaped the fireball’s doom, and all I could feel from the attack was a bit of heat on my back.

The first thing I did when I got into the safe area was call my mother as she was at work and I wanted to make sure she was okay. However, she didn’t answer.

And you know how you get into that mid-subconscious state, if there’s even such a term, right between dream and reality, where the dream is still playing out but this time you have a more conscious role in determining the next step? Like those adventure books from back in the day that allows you to choose what happens next in the story. Turn to page 19.

Well, of course I wanted my mother to answer but I didn’t want to be the one who made that decision. To understand and later interpret a dream, you have to interpret THE DREAM. So I relinquished control, and fell back into REM sleep.

I was worried, though…because sometimes once a dream has been interrupted, even in the slightest way, you could possibly miss the ending altogether. It’s been so many times when I snoozed back off hoping to go back into a dream only to find an entirely new scenario.

Not this time; as soon as I made it back, I returned to the waiting area and called my mother again.

She answered. And told me she was okay and that the area she was in hadn’t been affected.

Then I woke up.

And even though, it may sound like some Armageddon scene playing out, I felt at peace  with it all, like there was a hidden beauty amidst the chaos.

While at work that day, I was speaking to my friend Marie about it and there was a lady who’d been sitting at the table across from me for our entire lunch break. I recognized her as an employee naturally but wasn’t sure what department she worked in. She is an older woman, with long black hair streaked with gray. I don’t want to assume her ethnicity but she reminded me of one of our dear Natives.

Anyway, for the entire conversation with Marie, all I saw was this woman’s long black hair…until I started talking about the dream.

As I neared the end of my description of the dream, I happened to glance over and there she was. The way she was looking at me immediately registered: “I know something.” There was such an intensity in her eyes, I almost stopped talk to Marie to ask her if she knew anything. I opted out, though, wondering if I was maybe misinterpreting her sudden wide-eyed interest.

I still had a strong desire to ask her but left the break room still talking with Marie and  never got a chance to talk with the mysterious Grey Running Streak ( also known as Sister Grey…in my mind.)

Later on that evening, as God would have it, as I was leaving work I ran into her coming out of the restroom. She didn’t waste any time:

“You had a vision,” she said. “You know in the Bible, it says that He gave some prophets, He gave to some visions. He’s given you a vision.”

I asked her if she could interpret what the dream meant, and if it had anything to do with the Rapture.

“No, the Rapture’s not gonna be like that. You’re just going to hear the trumpet.” She snapped her finger when she said “trumpet”.

She then told me that the dream had a deeper meaning, perhaps the sign of what’s to come in the near future. One thing that stood out to me was when she said,

“There is something big going to happen this year; especially with all that is going on in the Middle East…”

I’ll speak about that in a minute.

As we were walking to our cars, she asked me to recall the dream again; she asked if I remembered any colors or numbers. I told her that the first time I remember seeing on my phone’s clock (in the dream, of course) was 8:00 a.m. I also told her about a similar dream I had YEARS ago, only in this one, I was at an outdoor bbq or picnic with my extended family. Aunts, uncles, and cousins were there, sisters and brothers. It looked like we were in a park between some apartment buildings.

All of a sudden, rockets began to fall from the sky, crashing down on the buildings around us. All I remember was seeing everyone run off in different directions in a panic. I didn’t see anyone get hurt but there were things blowing up all around us, and the last thing I remember was my cousin Duke running screaming, “Noooo, noooo, noooo.”

Now that dream was heavy. And clearly, I haven’t forgotten it, and it’s been about 10 years now. Thinking now about things that have been going on within my extended family, how over the past 10 years, there has been a build-up of dissension and discord (putting it lightly), I definitely see a connection. What spirits were let off with those rockets…and how do we get rid of them?

I’ve digressed. After I shared my dreams, Sister Grey then shared with me.

It wasn’t until last night, two days after my talk with Sister Grey, that I really connected our dreams together.

In her dream, she was viewing the Earth from above. And she either saw explosions coming OUT of the Earth or going INTO it, but whatever it was, she either saw two explosions, or three. Watch this space; I’m going to get the exact count when I speak to her again.

But in thinking about it last night, it seems as if she had the same vision in her dream years ago that I had in mine only days ago, only she was able to view it from a more heightened perspective. Or at least this is where my interpretation has led me.

Side-note: Yesterday morning, I woke up to the worst news. The Villagio Mall in Doha, Qatar, the place I called home from 2004-2011, caught on fire and 13 children, 4 teachers and 2 firefighters (last I read) died. The fire started near Gympanzee, a nursery; and apparently, no one was told that there were children in the mall until after the flames had already made it impossible to save them. God bless the two firefighters that went after them anyway. Bless them all.

And this hit home for so many reasons. First and foremost, it was home for me, for one of the most significant periods of my life, so it’s always going to be in my heart, no matter how happy I was to leave the place. Secondly, EVERYONE I know in Doha goes to Villagio. I worried about my peoples.

Plus, I was a Pre-School teacher in Doha for 6 of the 7 years I lived there. I even considered applying at Gympanzee at one point. So all I could see was me with my babies (what I affectionately called my students). Oh, I am getting that knot in my heart again just writing about it. It’s just one of the most awful stories I’ve heard. It really hurts.

Sigh. Google the story, I don’t want to think about it anymore. Point is, I remember Sister Grey (whose name I learned is Sylvia) saying, “…especially with everything going on in the Middle East…”, and I wondered if what happened in Doha is anyway related to one of the two fireballs I saw falling from a distance through my bedroom window. Is this one of the “big things” Sylvia referred to? Or is this just one of MY big things? What is the connection?

On the flip side, I do sadly feel that this is just the beginning for Doha. Karma is coming to have her way with with that city. She’s already arrived.

OHHHHHHHHHH, that’s what she said as well. Sorry, just remembered this right now. Sylvia also mentioned that what I witnessed in my dream is similar to what happened with Sodom and Gomorrah. Heavy. I can get off into another tangent connecting that interpretation with my personal vision of/for Doha. Not today.

Point is, this is just one illustration of the variety of angles I am viewing this dream from. Sister Grey has a cousin who is an intercessor and she was going to share my dream with her. I can’t wait to speak to her again to hear another take on what it all means.

There has to be something in the fact that our dreams or so similar. Maybe there is a bigger picture, a WORLD forecast. As for my personal interpretation, however, I have taken it to a much deeper level. Well no, not deeper; I’d say equally deep (and equally dope) but on the other side of the spectrum.

Marie and I spoke about the dream last night. “Girl, that’s scary,” she said. “What’s scary about it?” I asked her. “All I got from it is that in the face of impeding danger, I was with a friend, we were unharmed, and my momma was okay. What is there to be worried about now?”

All I’m saying is, even if the dream is a foreshadowing of disasters to come, it’s much more effective to interpret it as a positive omen. If for no other reason than to maintain your peace of mind.

For example, I was thinking about love tonight, how ready I am for it, how excited I am. And I thought back on those who I, in my own flawed way, truly loved. (Using flawed and love together sounds almost oxymoronic (C), doesn’t it?)

Let’s just say, there have been two that I have been truly passionate about, how’s that? But I did love them. I loved them all, but there’s always that one or two that stands out.

These two did; and right now I am viewing them are just as my dream depicted them: two comets that crashed into my life and created an explosion of sparks; although the flames have fizzled, traces of their impact are still there, (albeit in the form of a better Kristen, mind you.)

And now, just as in the dream, here I am from a distance, looking back on those who crashed and burned, and as I am thinking about when God’s going to send me my true love, that real love, I recall the saying: “Three times the charm.”

Three has always been a significant number to me. It’s just special, a lot of magical things have happened involving “3”.

And I have had two of the most important “loves” of my life, to briefly summarize: (1) the one who “got away”, the one who loved me, my first love, my most honest love; and then there’s (2) the one who “didn’t get a way”, as in, never found a way to be honest with himself about himself, my last love, my most flawed love.

With both their faults and mine, I loved both of these men in the best way I knew how at the time and given the circumstances. But none of it was TRUE…what I felt with them wasn’t Love.

So, basically, I think this dream, among other things, was about Love; my Love, in all of its forms, whether its through praise or dance or a connection with another human being. Something is coming, and its going strike powerfully like a fireball, but this time I’m coming out unscathed.

“Love rain down on me…on me…down on me…”

This is what I pulled from my dream: this is the big thing I choose to visualize happening to me this year: Love.

And I find a great comfort in knowing that when it strikes, I will be cool, safe; chilling with my friend…and my Mama will be okay…

Best dream ever.

Happy Birthday to Me!! ♥

Sigh. Where do I even begin?

There have been so many thoughts rolling around in my head over the past couple of days and trying to organize them now is a bit nerve-wrecking.

Nevertheless, here I am with another one of my posts on the complexities of religion…but again, where do I even begin?

I think I’ll start from the back and work my way up; so let’s talk about last night.

Last night I read a post called “Our Father’s Not in Heaven: The New Black Atheism” by Cord Jefferson. While he raised some interesting points, I felt an uncomfortable mix of sadness and annoyance after I read the post. And I’ll tell you why.

Again, many of his points are valid, such as the following assertions (paraphrased):

• “…the job of airing the “black perspective” on cable news is very often given to people like Reverend Jackson or Reverend Sharpton…those are the people called upon to speak for all of black America…white Americans are religious, too, and yet MSNBC or CNN would never call on the pastor Joel Osteen to dissect the problems facing all white Americans. The networks would understand, rightly, that Osteen’s deep religious conviction makes him an inapt spokesperson for a group of people with diverse beliefs…”

He makes a good point here; one that I hadn’t really paid attention to before, and this is why I agree when he writes: “I’d simply like us to start listening to and seeking out the opinions of blacks who eschew religious faith in favor of finding motivation and glory outside the church. I think we’d discover that many of the opinions religious blacks may think of as churchly are actually similar to those held by nonreligious blacks, which would be a lesson in and of itself.”

With all the scandals surrounding the black church these days, it’s becoming more difficult to take the words of so-called religious leaders seriously; and this is coming from a Christian woman. While my faith in God will never wane, my faith in those in pastoral positions is admittedly fading. More on that later.

Plus, I believe that moral common sense and intelligence are not gained exclusively in a church environment. So Cord, I am with you on this one. I can never see myself shunning the opinions of others or marking their thoughts as invalid simply because they don’t practice my faith. That would actually be an act that runs in great contradiction to what it is I believe my faith is grounded on…and we can’t be having that.

Don’t get me wrong, though. I am not against those who speak from a spiritually based standpoint being called upon to reflect on the issues of the day. However, I am open-minded enough to welcome the views of individuals from all walks of life; not only is there so much that we can learn from each other but there is comfort in discovering that we have more in common in our perspectives than we thought. So again, Cord…I’m with you on this one.

Second point:

• “…black churches…many of them spread noxious homophobia…the problem with heralding a holy book while attempting to scoff at what people believe that holy book says; it’s hard to have it both ways…”

Oh, I can go on and on about the hypocrisy of religious leaders and their approaches to homosexuality. In fact, I’ve written more than one blog post on it. “Christians” attitude towards homosexuals is one of the main reasons why Christianity is one of, if not, THE most mocked religion in the world.

But there are still some leaders within the faith that allow me to maintain a sense of hope for the Christian community. For example, one of my new favorite pastors, Reverend Dr. Otis Moss III wrote an amazing open letter to those who rejected the POTUS Barack Obama when he supported same-sex marriage. Click here to watch the video. One of the things he really touches on in the letter, though, is the “love ethic” that so many Christians seem to have forgotten.

We must learn to be more than a one-issue community and seek the beloved community where we may not all agree, but we all recognize the fingerprint of the Divine upon all of humanity.

There is no doubt people who are same-gender-loving who occupy prominent places in the body of Christ. For the clergy to hide from true dialogue with quick dismissive claims devised from poor biblical scholarship is as sinful as unthoughtful acceptance of a theological position. When we make biblical claims without sound interpretation we run the risk of adopting a doctrinal position of deep conviction but devoid of love. Deep faith may resonate in our position, but it is the ethic of love that forces us to prayerfully reexamine our position.

(Read more at http://dadisispeaks.wordpress.com/2012/05/15/an-open-letter-from-rev-otis-moss-iii-to-the-black-clergy/)

I have read and listened to him read this letter several times; I just love it. And after watching or reading, one must ask him or herself: do I believe in doctrine over love, or love over doctrine? Too many Christians are following the former and again, it runs in great contradiction to what our religion is truly about: love…for all of humanity…ALL of humanity…sans judgment. But tsk, will people ever learn?

One thing I must disagree with Cord on, however, is making it seem as if the “noxious homophobia” being displayed is solely an issue within the black churches. I personally have seen the more graphic forms of hate from the other side of the fence; or are you not familiar with this guy:

Cord tries to validate his point by making note of the community being preached to, described as those “being ravaged by HIV and AIDS”. Weak. I would have understood it more if he would have brought up the popularity of the Eddie Longs in the game. But still, this is an issue that holds universal weight, both inside and outside of the church, regardless of race…and it needs to stop.

Now for the sad part. I understood a lot of where Cord was coming from but the following statements didn’t particularly sit well with me:

• “…instead of looking to the Bible for answers, began looking for understanding in the realities and evidence around them. And based on what I’ve seen of the problems impacting the black community, from poverty to illness to violence to crushing racism, if there is a God up there watching us suffer this way, it’s probably time to admit that he’s not coming to save us…”

This passage both hurt my heart AND pissed me off. Look, if you choose to seek answers outside of religious texts, more power to you. It is your journey and yours alone and I for one would never condemn a person for choosing such a path towards personal enlightenment.

What I would appreciate, though, is for people to STOP trying to pull others out of what has been working for them just because it hasn’t worked for you! Besides, Cord, you are sounding kind of crybaby-ish right now. “Waaaa waaa, the world is so awful…how could God treat us like this…boo-freaking-hoo!”

There are a mass of problems impacting the WORLD but “Mr. Senior Editor of Good Magazine”, clearly these problems aren’t impacting you so how about you be grateful to…umm, yourself and all the things you have accomplished on your own to be afforded opportunities to write so eloquently against the God who doesn’t exist and leave those of us who seek comfort in the Scriptures the hell alone?

Woo-sah. Sorry about that. My love ethic escaped me for a moment. But ya’ll know me. I have love for my atheists, I truly do. And because I have love for not only them but all my friends who practice religious or non-religious beliefs separate from my own, I’m not ridiculing them for what they believe in. I am not telling them what they should stop doing in relation to their beliefs and requesting neither directly or indirectly that they admit that they are wrong and follow me!

Yes, Cord, there is a lot of hypocrisy within Christianity; I can comfortably admit that. But clearly there is a lot power within it as well and for those such as myself who know how to gear that power towards love for humankind, while you may not want to agree with us, you can at least give us a bit of credit for being respectable and moral human beings, all while patting yourself on the back for being able to achieve such without the aid of our God. We won’t knock you for it.

Or are you too busy wanting more attention?

• “For us people of color with no devotion to religion whatsoever, a tiny minority within a minority, the internal culture clash can sometimes prove awkward. It’s this culture clash that I find so irritating and ugly.”

Cord? Are you whining again? Is that the core of your troubles? That black atheists are being overshadowed by all us religious black folk? Sorry. I don’t even know what to say on that. Next point:

• “…there is “no evidence” to support the fact that anyone benevolent created the universe…”

The hyperlink above will lead you to a video by the author’s obvious vote for the nation’s next President: Neil deGrasse Tyson. I’m sorry; I couldn’t watch more than a minute of this guy or his circa 1982 haircut…he worked my nerves but then again, I could be biased because I have never been one to really wonder about creation.

Even outside of what I have been taught in church, all I have to do is look out my window and see the presence of a greater being in control. Yes, science is fun and everything but I think there are some things that shouldn’t even be questioned. Call me ignorant; hell, call me whatever you want but I don’t have the energy to dedicate to the hows whens and whys of the Earth’s existence. I am too busy relishing in the fact that it is a wondrous place and space that I am blessed to occupy.

All this knowledge and these theories and facts and data and statistics and numbers and equations: it’s all just so boring to me. Right now there is a beautiful breeze flowing through my window and I hear the birds singing. Damn your facts. That’s God.

So, to wrap this up as it’s about time for lunch, I don’t know how to NOT believe in the existence of God; particularly because I have seen, lived, and experienced the joys of my believing in Him. However, believe it or not, I can understand why some of my fellow souls are a bit wary of it all. The hypocrisies within Christianity, or should I say the hypocrisy displayed by those who purport to follow Christianity, doesn’t really aid in providing a good case for us.

But there is a reason why African-Americans are the most religious ethnic group in America: and it’s because we have to be. With odds being against us from the moment we were stripped from our native Africa, chained and shackled and brought over into this country, we need a higher power to believe in. It’s a means of comfort and peace for so many of us and it works! Some may say “Oh well, this is the white man’s religion, blah blah blah.” Well thank you, white man. I suppose something good did come out of it all because I LOVE my faith.

And yes, some of our communities are impoverished, undereducated, rife with violence, etc. But I am a living testimony as to how faith in God can deliver one from such circumstances. Again, this is what has worked for ME (and so many others I know). Clearly it hasn’t worked for Cord and a few of my other atheist/agnostic friends but that’s okay. We are all on our own personal journey of self-discovery; I just so happen to have God riding it out with me.

In other news, I watched this amazing video called “Is The Black Church Dead? A Roundtable on the Future of Black Churches”; it is absolutely brilliant. I posted it on my page yesterday but have linked it here as well, and will be referencing it more in the next post I will write in relation to all the things that have been on my mind these past couple of days. Yes, there is more rant-rant where this came from!

But I would actually love for Cord to watch this video as I think the ideas presented will give him a different perspective on how some of us within the African-American Christian community view our religion. He isn’t the only one who finds fault in what is being practiced in the churches; those of us in the church are equally as baffled, and I was so thrilled to see this panel of intelligent God-fearing brothers and sisters speaking out on it all. In fact, I am about to watch it again and take some proper notes so that when I go in on my OWN experience in “the black church” in my next post, I will have some direct quotes to fall back on.

So, part 2 coming up soon!! Thanks for reading! :)

Wow Kristen! You have no idea how much this blog has meant to me! I am a Christian, 20 years old, and I attend a Christian college right  now. I am planning on getting my nose pierced very soon. And I was googling flesh-colored nose rings and just different styles studs/hoops and I came across your site. I highly appreciate your strong opinion but meek/humble spirit about this topic! One of my ‘fears’ right now is exactly the same as yours. I’m wondering what my pastor will think of it. I don’t worry about anyone else really. I am heavily involved in the music ministry at my church and I worry how they will judge me. Or even if they will allow me to continue serving at the piano and singing…I am considering tattoos as well. And thank you again, for being responsible in searching out the scriptures with a level head. You are a wonderful, genuine, Christ-like example.

~Alex

Daaaaawwwww! Thanks, Alex!!! <3